All the past 4 years of the “Till death do us part” bliss, I did whatever i did for you.
It was so easy to just love you, adore you, work to earn a living for you. To see the beauty in other women and let you know that whoever and however beautiful, fashionable, rich she looks. You are the one who matters. You are the one for which i can not buy jewelry, bling, fashion. But i will work hard, earn and then get you what you want.
I did distract in for myself, Be it a shiny new Macbook, iPhone, Pixel, Mac Mini, Noise Cancelling Headphones, Nintendo Switch. All of it i bought on those miniscule EMI’s. I thought i will need them to make me sane, to make me work more as all it mattered was that i will be able to earn through the things i bought as they make me work better.
But no, it was just you. You!, my love, my everything, my small little world, my everyday lover, my sleeping partner. The more i slept near you, the more beautiful and non-wakeable sleep i got. I slept-in every day late with you in bed. I woke up every day late. But i cherish it the most. Because those were the most serene dream-less sleeps they were. Where my mind actually slept because my being, my whole being felt whole. You made me whole. Your touch, Your hug, Your hour by hour knack of letting me know that this much late you have gotten. Everything was special.
Your letting me know to love you before i leave the room. To read “Ayat-ul-kursi” before i leave the room. To nudge you on your fore-head. This was the greatest asset i had. The most vital part of the day. Your daily reminder of go have green tea in office, Your daily reminder of keeping myself hydrated. This minute by minute conditioning of becoming a better version of myself every day. This was magical and all of it was because of you.
I was able to earn for us, Was able to take you out for dinner, Was able to afford the ring which I got you from my savings. I loved the day when i got you your favorite saari. I loved the day when i got you the best beef burger we ever had. I loved you the day we had the best beef briyani and i had to drop you at the bus hangar. I loved the day when me you and musa enjoyed those magical red velvet cupcakes. I loved the day when we had golgappas. I loved the day when i ordered beef nihari for you at home. I loved the day when we had early morning breakfast parathas. I loved you the day i could afford such tiny ear-rings for your ears. I loved the day when i could spend some for you. Because those days were less as you made me spend less on you. But whenever i did, it felt the greatest happiness of me. I can never ever forget you. I miss the days when i would just ask you what you wanna do because that will be the only thing i would ever want to do. Among all those beef burgers, mutton karahi’s, chicken wraps, roll parathas, you were the greatest thing i ever had. I can never forsake you. You were the best part of me.
Without you i wake up early, i am unable to sleep that worry-free. Because i knew the moment i turned towards you in bed, you will be there. You will be there for me. And i never felt much happier my entire life. Here i am 8AM at the workplace thinking about you. Because guess what, you are my wallpaper on the lockscreen of my computer. You are my wallpaper where-ever i take my eyes. You are there in my tears. You are there, everywhere i stand. Be it a cafe, restaurant, shopping plaza, mall, my car. Everything reminds me of you.
I feel the time is relative. Everyday i pass the street and i feel you standing with musa waiting for me. I feel every meal we ever had at all the places that i see while coming to work from home. You were existent in every fiber of my being. What would i be without you meri jaan.
I am what i am because of you. I can’t take it without you. I did what i did for you. And i will do what i will do for the Musa & Fatima who are every bit of you. My tears will always be with you. Meri Jaan.
My Mary Jane.